


stuck in oblivion

by waveydnp



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 08:39:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17577539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveydnp/pseuds/waveydnp
Summary: dan’s ignoring his problems and he’s starting to feel it





	stuck in oblivion

It starts with an ache in his jaw.

It’s not a new feeling by any means. Sadness and stress breed tension, a clenching and grinding he doesn’t even realize he’s doing until it’s too late and he can barely open his mouth for how tight and overworked the muscles and tendons are.

He tries to stop when he remembers to, but it’s such an unconscious coping mechanism that it feels stupid to even bother.

Phil shakes him awake gently in the middle of the night. 

“What?” Dan says groggily, frowning.

“You were grinding your teeth again.”

Dan huffs. “What d’you want me to do about it? I’m asleep, I can’t help it.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Does he sound a touch hurt? Dan can’t be sure. He’s only half awake.

“It just sounded bad.” His voice is gentle, so caring even when Dan’s being a twat. “I didn’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Dan rolls onto his side, facing away. “Go back to sleep. M’fine.”

He doesn’t feel fine the next day, the tension seeming to jump down to his lower back. It twinges as he gets up to make apology coffee for Phil and continues to do so all day. 

He probably shouldn’t have spent all day in a sofa crease, because when he finally gets out of it he actually shouts out his pain a little. It’s not just twingeing now but pulling.

Phil looks his way with altogether too much concern. “Should we go to the—”

“I’m fine,” Dan snips. “Just too old to sit on shitty couches, apparently.”

“Maybe you should have a hot bath?” Phil suggests. “Mum always says—”

“It’s fine. I’ll just take something.”

He takes something. It doesn’t help, as he expected it wouldn’t. If he’s honest, he just wanted to get Phil to stop worrying. It probably didn’t work but sometimes Phil’s concern just makes him feel bad.

This kind of pain might as well be self inflicted. He knows where it comes from, knows it’s his body protesting the stress of ignoring the things that are bothering him. 

But sometimes knowing how to deal with things isn’t enough to actually get the job done. Sometimes self destruction is a willful choice because it still feels better than the alternative. So he downs some more tablets and goes back out to the lounge with a smile for the one who’s still worrying. 

“Takeaway and Mario Kart?” 

Phil grins and Dan grins back. Peace offerings are easy when you know your person better than you even know yourself.

His back and jaw still hurt later when they’re trading handjobs in bed before they fall asleep, but at least the distractions feel damn good.

When he wakes up he knows right away he’s really done himself in this time. He hasn’t even opened his eyes yet but he can feel a searing kind of ache all the way down the back of his neck. 

Phil is already awake. Dan can hear him puttering around in the bathroom. He braces himself and pushes through the resistance to sit up and swing his legs over the edge of the bed. He can’t help his groan of displeasure. 

He tips his head back into the pain, as if a simple stretch will work out days or maybe even weeks worth of holding his body too tight. He winces and reaches back to massage his thumb into the ache.

“That’s it.”

Dan jumps, eyes flying open. He can count on two hands the number of times Phil’s been able to successfully sneak up on him, and this time he probably hadn’t even been trying.

“What?” Dan asks, dropping his hand and trying to look innocent.

“I’m running you a hot bath and you’re gonna lie in it until I say,” Phil says sternly. His hair is dripping wet, one towel wrapped around his waist and another draped over his shoulders. 

It’s a nice view, one Dan somehow still isn’t immune to. “We could fool around instead.”

“Dan.” He’s not amused. “Have you forgotten absolutely everything you’ve learned in therapy or what?”

Dan sighs in exasperation.

“Out with it,” Phil demands. 

Dan lies back and looks up at the ceiling. His neck hurts even lying down. “If there’s nothing really wrong, then I’m fine,” he says quietly. “I want to be fine.”

“You are fine.” Phil sits next to him. “You’re stressed. It happens. To me too.”

Dan nods. “I wanna ignore my shit.”

“Yeah, I know. But it doesn’t help,” Phil says gently. “Then you just end up hurting and being mean to me.”

Dan looks up at him. He’s smiling kindly. “Sorry,” Dan mutters.

Phil pats his thigh and stands up. “I’m running you a bath. You want a bomb?”

Dan shakes his head. “Bubbles please. And a candle.”

Phil’s chuckling quietly as he leaves the room. 

Dan hates to admit how truly fucking amazing the bath feels. The heat all but erases the pain in his neck and back. It’ll likely come back once he’s out of the water, but for now the relief is staggering, and the sweet smell of the bubbles and the flame of the candle flickering at his feet is just… nice. It’s nice. 

His mind feels so clear. The stress is still there in the back of his mind, the knowledge that he’s actively avoiding thinking about a very important, very scary thing that he really _should_ be thinking about, but it doesn’t feel as cloying as it had yesterday. 

Phil is right. He’s been ignoring pretty much all of even his basic methods of self care. He’s staying up too late and eating like shit and ignoring his problems and pushing away the people who care enough to want to help.

He did go for a run the other day. So he hasn’t completely fallen off the wagon yet, though he really only did that out of a sense of sheer and overwhelming guilt. 

He can get back to it. He can climb back on that horse and ride out the bucks and the kicks. He knows how to do it, he just has to stop wallowing.

He’s just having an epiphany of sorts when Phil knocks lightly and opens the door. He sticks his head in and says, “You can get out now if you want.”

“Phil, did you know you’re a genius?” He stands up and holds out his hand for Phil to pass him a towel.

“Yes,” Phil answers automatically. And then, “Why?”

Dan ignores him. He takes the towel and rubs it over his hair before wrapping it around his shoulders. “Can I work out my oral fixation on you later?”

Phil isn’t even phased. “Have I literally ever said no to that?”

“Good point.” Dan pecks him on the lips as he walks past him, out of the bathroom and off towards the bedroom.

“Why later?” Phil calls after him. “Why not now.”

Dan shakes his head. That horny little bitch. He turns and shouts his reply. 

“Got a video to script, haven’t I?”


End file.
